"Sharenting" - Have you? Do you ? Would you?

Something I’m sure we have all done at some point to varying degrees. Dubbed “sharents” – the parents who blog, tweet and post photos and videos of their children, often simultaneously, often with the tendency to get a bit carried away. We all seen plenty of them. I was guilty of this when my two children were younger. For me it was photos on Facebook. I stopped doing this about 6 years ago now, my eldest is 12.  I had a ‘wake up’ moment when I realised my children were having images put out there that they had no control over or say in. I remembered back to my own childhood and reaching that age (quite early on) where I hated having my photo taken and I certainly didn’t like them being shown around or posted to other family members – so why was I doing the same to my children but for the whole world to be able to find. It was also of hearing about one of the darker sides of the internet and how people can access these photos and then repurpose them elsewhere often onto violent or pornographic content. Stomach churning thoughts.

Parents now, the ones mostly age 35 upwards, were the early social media adopters who quickly became comfortable sharing and comparing their lives with strangers. Along comes parenthood and it just seems natural to carry on sharing.

As the pandemic took hold, the amount of time families spent online increased along with the amount of photos and videos being shared online. It was a great way to keep in touch, not just with relatives living far away, but friends down the road who you weren’t even allowed to meet for a walk right now.

So how is this going to affect children as they grow up? The pictures of your child in the garden in his nappy as a toddler may always be cute to you but what about kids he goes to school with later in life? The tales of poo or toilet accidents may have your ‘friends’ laughing and sharing their own accounts or support but how will your child feel when it’s brought up in front of their friends? Or are we taking ourselves too seriously and need to be able to look back and laugh? It’s one that divides opinion.

Your digital footprint is something we discuss a lot here because it can have major implications on your future – much more than embarrassment. Once any information or photo is out there – it is very difficult for that individual to control what happens to it. When it comes to our children we are making decisions to put things out there now about them, which in ten years times may not be appropriate. Coupled with the fact that we are talking to our children about not sharing pictures with strangers or online, not sending ‘nudes’ – we need to show respect to their privacy aswell.

For some it may be the positives far outweigh the negatives. It allows us to stay connected and get support from others who may be going through similar issues or experiences, that for many may not otherwise be accessible.  For others writing blogs about their children or parenting experiences is cathartic or a chance to meet like-minded people. For some it is simply about showing-off and some people earn money from it.

The Children’s Commissioner did a study in 2017 with children aged between 8 - 12 and this was one of the topics they discussed with them.  Here are a few quotes from the children:

 “My mum takes pictures of me on Snapchat, to send on WhatsApp” Hassan, 8, Year 4

“My mum took a picture of me with my hamster on my head and I was so embarrassed. Because I was nearly naked! At least I had a towel around me” Helen, 8, Year 4

“Once I was singing in the shower and Mum hid the camera and pretended she needed the bathroom and then pressed the record button and started recording me!” Elsa 8, Year 4

“My mum looks through my pictures and then posts stuff to her Instagram story” Zoe, 10, Year 5

“I don’t like when my mum posts pictures of me, she just says ‘give me a picture’ ’’ Lucy, 10, Year 6

The report found that many children talked about how parents would post pictures of them on their social media accounts and it bothered them as they didn’t want a big group of people seeing them, or they weren’t happy with the way they looked, other simply got fed up of being asked and pressured for photos when they didn’t want to share.

It was more upsetting for them if parents were sharing ‘embarrassing’ photos of them, often the ones that would get the most ‘likes’ or laughs/comments. This made them feel uncomfortable or worried about people laughing at them.

There is no denying technology and social media have helped reunite and keep connected thousands of people and families, which has come into its own over the last couple of years during Covid. Like with so many topics it comes down to context and personal situations. There is a difference between a photo of a child enjoying their birthday party to one who’s running around naked in the garden in summer.  Most importantly listen to your child, if they are asking for a photo not to be posted to social media, respect that and acknowledge and praise their attitude to keeping some of their lives private – it will be something you’ll want them to practise themselves as they get older.

Life in Likes | Children's Commissioner for England (childrenscommissioner.gov.uk)